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Main >> AP Stories >> Proof of Age

Proof of Age
Author: Emma Finn
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killer77 - 12 March 2016
Pretty good! Not many decent AP stories out there, thanks for contributing this. Looking forward to more...
skywavesage - 12 March 2016
I agree with antidiluvian that the story would be stronger with a more concrete closure. It is great as it is, but that would be an opportunity for you to bring it to a higher level. Excellent work!
antidiluvian - 11 March 2016
Its well-written. I think you did a good job showing the clash of youthful romanticize of independence and the reality of it. The story is very dark and punishing toward its protagonist. I don't have a problem with that by itself, but I find it a little far fetched the Trina doesn't pursue any kind of justice or retribution. She just sort of settles for being old and poor forever. Even if she isn't bright... surely she could convince her mother of who she is - maybe her mother might sacrifice on her behalf - or they could find Gloria and 'transform' her in other ways until she agreed to trade back? (it is a dark story after all...)
antidiluvian - 11 March 2016
And to clarify, its not that the character's motives are poor (Trina is naive and Gloria is cruel) its more that... closure is lacking? I guess its all another story. Though there's a certain inaction on behalf of the protagonist that seems unsatisfying.

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