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Main >> AR & AP >> A little too much.

A little too much.
Author: Jonny ARed
 
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 Reviews
awl2007 - 25 April 2010
Pretty good story. Hey dude, will you ever make another story?
BBoy - 08 December 2008
I agree with kARth. Its a fantastic peice of writing. It does end short, however as you said it's your first. Some suggestions to develop the story... What was the thinking of the guy when he decided to join her? Maybe he was jellous of her babyhood, maybe he was escaping the law. Maybe he diapered her first and as he took care of her became fasinated with being a baby. Anyhow it was an awesome first attempt. Thanks, B.
kARth - 07 December 2008
Your writing style is actually good, from the standpoint of mechanics. Very comprehensible, good method of storytelling. The only complaint I can make (though it is a significant complain) is that the tale is very short, even for a one-shot. You could have made it longer and more interesting by developing the characters more, or by having Tom transform a few other people. I suppose what I'm saying is this: what you have is great, but having more of it would be the biggest improvement you could make.
Jonny ARed - 07 December 2008
I know, but when it's your first contribution, you don't know what the general public wants...
ageman - 07 December 2008
Why did the main character ever think, "I am going to be the same age as her, my new sister."?



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