The rash - loss of puberty and manhood - Part 1

Chapter 1
The rash

Chapter Description: It begins with a rash

name is Mike.  I was born and raised in the South where football (High School and College) is King.  My older brother fit right in.  He was a big, strong, burly football player, and of course captain of our high school football team.  Our father was very proud of him.  I however was a big disappointment.  I was small and frail with no athletic ability.  When I was younger, my mother would often say that I should've been a girl.  She would force my penis down under my skin and tape it closed so it even looked like I was physically a girl. I am sure she would have made me have a gender change if my parents could afford it. She had selected a girls name for me before I was born. My birth certificate even listed my name is Angela Michael (which I later changed to just Michael). my mother would call me Angela sometimes on purpose at home and while we were out. From time to time my mother would dress me for school in girls clothes. I remember often being forced to wear pink frilly panties, a white girly blouse, and pink short coveralls. My shoes for the day would be pink, frilly socks, and white patent leather shoes. The humiliation didn't end there.  Since she wouldn't allow my dad to have my hair cut, I had plenty of long hair for her to attach a bow.  She dressed me in regular boys clothes most of the time, but I was still mocked by both the boys and the girls at school. When I started junior high school, my mother finally stopped dressing me in girls clothes. But since it was a small town, everyone knew that I was the boy who used to wear girls clothes. 

My confidence level was non-existent. I was bullied and humiliated all my life for a major physical attribute that plagues me still today....I was "blessed" with a micropenis.  This condition is probably why my Mother treated me like a girl sometimes. This is a real condition, and is defined like this:  "A micropenis is an atypically small penis that's discovered in infancy or very early childhood. It's usually the result of a fetal testosterone deficiency, and usually persists into adulthood". I was bullied constantly in school.  In gym class, we were required to shower after the class was over.  Each day I had to walk into the showers with my penis barely visible. The other boys called it my "baby" penis.  They said I should go to the girls locker room with the other people that have no penis.  Sometimes I would cry and they would tell me to go home to my Mommy.  So, my childhood made me the way I am today.

Now, I work as a computer programmer where I work in solitude and don't have to interact with people.  This is where my wife, Rhonda found me.  She was the CEO of the company I worked for.  She saw that I was meek and small.  She apparently wanted a husband that she could dominate and mold into her vision of the perfect husband.  SHE asked ME out.  I was star stuck and immediately fell in love. After a short time dating, we were married.  I told her early on about my tiny penis.  She was not hindered by that because she couldn't have children anyway, even though she desperately wanted a child.  We tried having sex but, of course, I could not satisfy her because my little penis did not even come close to satisfying her.  I just had to satisfy her in other ways.  My tongue , however, was not small. I was always humiliated by this because it made me feel subservient to her.  I always visualized a little naked, submissive man with his head in the crotch of a big dominant woman. She always tried to console me, and sometimes I actually felt I had some value - albeit as a love slave of sorts. 

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I met Mike at work.  He was a shy man without much self-confidence.  It was easy to win him over.  I loved him, but not as an equal.  I wanted to mold him into someone who could fulfill my Motherly instincts.  I am not sure why, maybe it was the stress of the job, but I could not get pregnant.  This caused the end of my previous marriages to strong men.  I really enjoyed when he would lay naked in the bed and let me rub is little bottom.  Then, I would let him take me to climax with his tongue.  This was all I needed to be sexually fulfilled.

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It was a Saturday morning.  After a long week of work, I was looking forward to a day full of fun with my wife. Maybe running, bike riding or just taking a leisurely walk. But, that would not be happening today. You see, I woke up with a terrible rash on by bottom and front side around my scrotum and penis.  It ran up through my butt crack and between my legs.  It had appeared overnight and was itchy and painful. When I first woke up and felt the extreme itching, I headed straight for the bathroom. In the mirror, I saw my familiar little penis and then the rash.  Since I sleep nude so Rhonda could rub my bottom during the night, I first thought it was the new detergent she was using for the laundry.

One humiliation I have to deal with is that my penis is so small I still have to sit down to pee, and hold my penis down into the toilet.  Even so, my pee would frequently shoot over or through the toilet seat when I squeezed at the end of a piss. Pee would run down the base of the toilet and onto the floor. This really annoyed my wife.  She would often make me get down on my knees in the nude and wipe up the pee.  So finally she found a pee guard, like on a toddler's potty chair, on Amazon that would clip onto the toilet seat.  She bought one for every toilet in the house, and to my despair, would not even let me remove them when company came over.  She would just explain that I needed them for a medical issue I had.  Of course, our visitors would immediately know that I sat down to pee, and had a problem "hitting" the toilet when I had to "potty".

This rash, however, would give her another reason to dominate.  My worst fears were realized when she first saw the rash. Her immediate reaction was one of surprise and distain. She said, " What happened!? You did not have that last night!". She was right, it had simply appeared overnight.  I shouldn't have, but I whined about how much it itched and burned. She, of course, jumped into action almost as if she had hoped this would happen so she could further belittle me. She told me to lay down on the bed and wait for her to come back - BUT she said,"Do not scratch it". She made a short trip to the corner store and returned with baby cream and a few other items. When she got back, she came in and sat beside me on the bed. She opened the rash cream that she bought at the store and put a thick layer all over my bottom, my balls, my penis, between my legs, and some other places. The cream smelled like a baby, but I was just glad to get some relief. Oddly though, I like the smell.  The smell persisted all night and made my side of the bed smell like a baby crib. 

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One of Mike's worst habits was peeing on the toilet and floor.  I know he could not help it.  After all,  his little penis was so small that he had to sit down on the toilet to hold down his penis and pee.  Standing up to pee not possible for him because his pee would dribble through his pubic and run down into his under wear. This always warmed my heart because he looked just like a little boy just learning to pee in the potty.  Nevertheless, I could not deal with the mess it made,  so I would always watch him pee every time he needed to go at home.  I usually got him to pee in the nude so that he did not squirt pee on his underwear.  If he made a mess I would make him clean up the mess right there before it dried on the toilet and floor.  Then,  I got the great idea of getting pee guards like on a training potty to clip on all of our toilets.  I told Mike he had to leave them on all the time if he wanted me to stop watching him when he peed - I told him that I really meant ALL THE TIME.  One day the unthinkable happened...Mike got a huge rash all over his private areas.  I was shocked and I knew I had to do something.  The poor little guy was in such agony!  So, I left Mike taking a nap in the nude on the bed and went to the store for Destin and baby wipes. I tried to find the unscented kind but they were out.  So, I had to get the scented kind that smelled like baby oil and powder.  After all, he needed SOMETHING fast!  The rash never got much better so I told Mike that we were going to the doctor.

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The next day, the rash was still there and even more visible than before. The rash cream had worn off overnight, leaving my black underwear white with excess cream.  Rhonda became concerned and made me an appointment with my doctor.  She made it sound very serious to my doctor's nurse, so they they worked me in the same day.  When we arrived at the doctor's office, the receptionist loudly said,"So, are you the one here for a rash? Where is it located?"  I tried to quietly tell her that the rash was on my "private" parts.  "What do you mean by private parts? Like a diaper rash?  How bad is it?" She blurted out. Rhonda then specified where it was without taking a quiet tone as I had. I looked around and saw several people starring at me intently.  My face became hot with embarasement. After the "grilling" at the reception desk,  they took me right back to exam room 10.  Unlike the other times, when I visited the doctor, the nurse came in and told me to strip nude and lay on the exam table. As soon as the nurse left, I began to unbuckle my pants. But Rhonda lovingly and gently pushed my hands away and began to slowly undress me. Finally, once she pulled my underwear down and off to reveal the rash she helped me up onto the exam table. When the doctor came in he looked at my rash and said "That is some rash!  It looks like some of the worst diaper rashes I have seen on children. But, I have never seen such a bad rash on an adult." He began his hands on examination by opening the creases between my legs and my abdomen to observe the rash there. He started there because that was the worst of the rash. Then, he examined my scrotum by pulling it away from the inside of my leg. At this point the doctor saw my small penis and said, "Oh I see you also have a micropenis, and you haven't been circumcised. How come?" I told the doctor that I had always been that way, and my parents must not have wanted it done. With a raised eyebrow, he moved on with his exam. Finally, he told me to turn over to check my rear end. After checking me over quite well, he performed the part of the exam that I hated the most. I could hear him putting on his latex gloves, and opening a jar. It was Vaseline that smelled like a mixture of baby oil and baby powder. I was surprised that I liked the smell, and was even aroused a little as my penis began to grow erect. The doctor inserted his finger up into my anus. His finger seemed to be a mile long. There is no other feeling worse for a heterosexual man than that of another man sticking his finger up your butt.  He told me that this was not an exam to check my prostate. He was actually checking my renal and sphincter musculature.  With a sigh, he had me turn over again.  He put three fingers next to my right ball and told  me to cough three times. Then he did the same  on the other side to my left ball.  With that, he said he had finished his hands-on exam.  He asked, "How long have you been wetting the bed, and wearing diapers?"  "Are you kidding?  I haven't wet the bed since I was three!" I said. "Please don't lie to me. It only hampers my ability to help you."  He said. Then he left the room without another word, and sent the nurse in to take a blood sample.  After taking what seemed like a gallon of blood, the nurse said I needed to give a urine sample. She handed me a little cup and told me to go across the hall to the bathroom and pee in the cup. I was still naked, so I began to reach for my clothes. The nurse said, "Oh there's no need for that ! The bathroom is just across the hall. So she opened the door, pointed to the bathroom, and put her hand on my bottom to guide me towards the bathroom. I felt just like a little boy being guided across the hall by the babysitter. To my horror, the bathroom door was locked by someone else getting a sample. I started to return to the exam room when the nurse stopped me and said, "they'll be out in a minute. You just wait right there." I stood there in the hall with my rash and penis open for everyone to see. Several people moved through the hall and looked at me standing there naked like a little toddler. I had never been so embarrassed and humiliated in my whole life. Little was I to know that this was only the beginning of my embarrassment and humiliation.

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I was sure that Mike had never wet the bed nor had worn any diapers except when he was a kid.  But the doctor was just looking for what caused the rash.  I could tell he did not believe Mike when he told him he never wet the bed nor wore diapers as an adult.  I knew the exam was going to be humiliating for him so I tried to gently help him get ready for the doctor.  After I insisted on helping, he passively allowed me to undress him.  This was an unexpected turn-on to me.  It was as if I was undressing my little boy.  I really felt sorry for him when the nurse made him walk across the hall and then wait outside the bathroom door - naked.  But, he was so cute.  I was concerned about what might be wrong with my poor little Mike.

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Soon the blood and urine results were complete. After a quick review of the results, the doctor came back into the room with a concerned look on his face. He said, "Your testosterone levels are so low that our test could not determine an accurate result.  This is not the cause of the rash, but we need to do some major intervention right now!  Were you ever on puberty blockers when you were young?" I did not know what a puberty blocker was exactly, but I could imagine.  I told him that I did not think so.  If I had been, my parents did not tell me so.  When I asked him why low levels of testosterone levels were a problem, he just told me that testosterone was important for many bodily functions. He said that he expected this had been an issue my whole life, and that testosterone was not a parameter commonly analyzed in blood and urine samples.  Further, he said that it was likely the cause of my micropenis and small stature. I just never knew. He told me that he wanted to start an intravenous infusion of testosterone. This would entail a small catheter into my shoulder, and a  medicine ball. He told me they could insert the catheter there at his office. He also called in a months supply of 100% testosterone in a medicine ball to the specialty drugstore. I was to begin the infusion that night at home and continue the infusion for a month. My doctor said that I might see a few body changes resulting from such a high dosage of testosterone. He said to expect increased hair growth and an increase in muscle mass. I left with my head spinning, but thought everything would be OK. After leaving the exam room,  Suzzanne told me she had to take a work call.  She made me sit in the waiting room while she took the call.  When she finished, we headed straight for the pharmacy. The pharmacist gave us the medicine and asked if we had any questions about how to use the medicine ball. We told him that the doctors office showed us what to do. We drove home in silence, but once we got home, she assured me that we would be able to handle this. 

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So, we finally knew what caused his smallness. Secretly,  I was glad that it had happened this way. My motherly instincts were fulfilled by his smallness.  I was beginning to think that maybe I needed a "little" and he needed a "mother".  I was a little concerned that the testosterone would make my little man "grow up", so I started to hatch a plan. I left Mike in the waiting room while I called the pharmacist - Gina.  Gina was a college friend who owed me a big favor.  I told her how much I loved Mike just like he was and asked her to fill the prescription with something besides testosterone.  I told her I did not care what she substituted just as long as it would not make Mike become more like a real man.  Gina knew she owed me big, so she agreed even though she might get in trouble.  She said she knew how to make the switch look like a mistake.  Gina had a plan of her own that would soon turn out just fine.

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After about a week, body changes began to occur, but not the ones described by the doctor! I began to see some hair loss on my chest, legs, arms, and under arms. We didn't worry about it too much since the doctor said that some changes might be expected.  The rash persisted and even got some worse. By the second week, I had lost most of the hair on my body. Suzanne began looking for possible complications from low testosterone on the Internet. As part of her search, she found pictures of young boys about 12 years old on puberty blockers before their testosterone was allowed to kick in. She noted that all of the boys had no pubic hair even though a 12 year old boy should at least have some peach fuzz down there. She saw pictures that looked very much like my small penis.  This did not arouse her sexually she simple wanted to know how I might be soon. This is when her demeanor towards me changed.  

After a couple of days when my rash was better, Suzanne came quietly into our bedroom one morning.  Knowing that I had taken a sleeping pill the night before she knew that I would be in a deep sleep. Still naked in the bed as usual, she quietly strapped my legs spread eagle at bottom of the bed, and my arms together at the head of the bed. Moving my arms, woke me up. 'Hey! What are you doing" I exclaimed.  Suzanne said, "In every way you look just like a little boy, and the little boys I saw on the internet did not have any pubic hair.  You should not have any either!" With that she ushered in a young woman with a machine on a cart. The woman was dressed in scrubs. Without a word, she turned on her machine, and began to remove my pubic hair with a laser. While she was doing it, she talked to Suzanne as if I was not even there. She said, "Now you know this will permanently remove his pubic hair, Right?"  Suzanne told her she was fully aware of what the technician was doing. She also said, "With a little penis like that do you think he really needs hair in his pubic area, anyway?"  

After that, Suzanne treated me more like a little boy than a man and I noticed that she was enjoying watching the changes. By the last week of the infusion, my balls which normally hung loose, had shrunken down to two little lumps. They now matched my little penis, which had also shrunken even smaller than before to just a small limp stump that often, at times, hid itself in the folds of skin around my pubic area. I felt so small and little all over my whole body, and I became emotional at the drop of a hat.  I quietly looked at images of pre-pubescent boys online and was startled to find that I looked even smaller than they did! What was happening to me? I was scared and even cried a few times. On the day of my follow-up appointment, I was so scared that I wet my pants on the way to the Doctor's office.  I couldn't understand why the testosterone, which was supposed to make me look more like a man, made me look more like a child.

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I didn't know what Gina had done, but she not only kept Mike from becoming more manly, she was making him regress!  My little man was becoming an even smaller man!  In fact, I would say he was becoming real little boy before puberty.  When he lost all his hair except his public hair, he looked really weird.  The rash was now better and the hair just needed to go.  So, I hatched another plan to get that nasty hair removed!  Laser hair removal was expensive, but worth the money.   If done right, it would be the last time any hair would grow there!  I was surprised to see that once the hair was removed his penis looked smaller and his balls were looking smaller too.  Little did I know that he didn't just look smaller, he was actually getting smaller!  Mike would be really different when he returned to the doctor for the follow-up.  Poor little guy was so scared to go back to the doctor that the stress of it all made him wet is pants on the way to the doctor's office!  Did he lose control, or was it OUT of his control?  I know he was scared, but I was excited.  What was going to happen next?