I, Nemo

Chapter 2
That's me in the corner

Chapter Description: Cedric is a D&D character living the dungeon life.

Opening the chest, Cedric found an old rag? No, it appeared to be a rather thick loincloth consisting of several layers of downy soft cotton which in turn were reinforced by an outer layer of water-resistant muslin. The garment attached to the front from a pair of sewn straps at the back which threaded through a pair of loops on the front. Also on a curious note, the garment was extremely clean and showed no dust or decay from being stored in the chest for an unknown time, for all Cedric knew it might have been centuries.

“What do you make of this loincloth, wizard?” asked Cedric. The wizard looked at the loincloth, felt its softness, muttered an odd incantation or two, and declared “It would appear that this loincloth is enchanted, mayhap it belonged to a king or queen to cushion extended periods of sitting? It also has what appears to be an arcane spell of unknown origin or purpose. I would advise caution due to the odd nature of the unknown spell.”

“If it could have been used by a noble or person of high stature, then it surely wouldn’t be a cursed item,” said Cedric as he pulled down his long unwashed trousers to reveal an even longer unwashed and stained worn-out breechcloth. “I think a change of drawers would do me good. The smell isn’t very good down there these days.”

Cedric donned the loincloth, it almost seemed to wrap itself around his nether regions, Cedric could swear that the perfect slipknot securely fastening the front to the back pretty much formed itself. A faint, sweet yet pleasant smell emanated from the garment as Cedric’s pelvis was systematically cleansed and dried making that part of his body hygienic in contrast to the rest of it. Pulling up his pants, a caressing, almost warm feeling flowed from his front through his crotch, taint, anus, and buttocks which surprised him at first, but became pleasureful before he could register it.

Cedric felt the softness of the garment caress him, stirring his memories, and hearkened thoughts of his younger days when he had discovered masturbation for the first time and proceeded to discretely pleasure himself whenever and wherever possible until his interest in the fairer sex put a stop to it. He smiled a pleasant smile at the reverie of youthful days gone by.

The wizard showed great concern about this marvelous device which surely must come at a high cost, but Cedric being in such a strong nostalgic mood prevented the wizard’s hand rapid hand-waving and worried tones from penetrating his ever-growing blissful stupor. Cedric instead was feeling the cottony bulk of the loincloth as it pushed at the top of his trousers, bulged at the trousers’ crotch, pushed the back of them out quite tellingly, and wondered if it showed.

Patting his front elicited a whole new wave of pleasure, putting his hand on the back and feeling the softness of the material lovingly stroke him back from within, Cedric was beginning to be aroused. His penis stiffened and grew, the loincloth only seemed to chuckle and began surrounding it with its silken softness and stroke it in a slow, erotic motion.

Cedric was so overtaken by the feelings that were evoked from the “massage” that his whole body began to weaken. He sat down on what now felt like the softest of softest feather pillows on the dungeon floor. So soft and insulating was this “pillow” that he didn’t feel the wet, ice-cold dank that comprised this dungeon’s floor. He grabbed the front of the loincloth with both hands at the crotch and pulled it closer to his skin.

By now the wizard had become frantic and yanked off Cedric’s pants. Having succeeded he then found that the slipknot wouldn’t yield nor would the loincloth permit itself to be forcefully pulled down from Cedric’s midriff. “Help me, you damned fool! We must get this infernal thing off of you!” At this point, the wizard drew out his knife and found it ineffective against the fabric. He had to stop for fear of hurting Cedric. He stepped back and watched as Cedric pleasured himself into the loincloth.

Cedric was still out of it, just starting to feel the coming of an orgasm he’d never felt in his life come on and just maintain itself at nearly its peak in what seemed forever. But what a wonderful forever! “Uhnhf, unf, NNNNNNFFFFFF” breathed Cedric through clenched teeth. “Ah ah ah ah ah ah ah” he bellowed incoherently. “OOOOOOOHHHHHHOOOOOHHHOOOOO” screamed Cedric as he came in the loincloth, again and again, emptying his prostate of all seminal fluid. He lay back on the dungeon floor spent.

A now exhausted Cedric happily smiled and muttered “worth it” before falling into a happy sleep. A sleep consisting of long-forgotten dreams from when he was prepubescent. Sweetmeats and candies flashed in his head as he danced with magical creatures and was picked up by his tall, large bear-like father, his size dwarfed in daddy’s big, manly arms. Grabbing at Dada’s beard, he managed to tug on a tuft, to which his Dada just smiled as he handed Cedric to his mother who checked him and made certain that he didn’t have any “surprises” then changed his wet nappy. Just in time, too! For it was now time for feeding, his Mama cradled him in her arms and he was proffered a milk-moistened teat upon which he suckled most vigorously.

After several tens of minutes, he became sleepy and the teat, no longer held in by the suction of his tiny mouth, slipped out. Cedric’s mouth continued to suck on a nonexistent nipple as his mother beamed at her sleeping little boy and tucked him into his cradle. She knew that he’d be awake in a few hours as all newborns were that way. Oh well! She kissed his forehead lightly and lovingly as he peacefully slept still making the occasional teat-suckling motion with his lips.

Cedric awoke happy and a bit lethargic after his strenuous feats the day before, consciousness slowly returning, he began to remember what had happened the previous day. He sat up with a start upon realizing his predicament and went to remove the loincloth from his midriff so that he could take a piss against the dungeon wall only to find that the garment refused to budge. What was odder about it was that despite his massive ejaculation from the day before, he found himself to be clean and dry with that slightly sweet faint scent emanating from his crotch.

No matter! His repeated attempts to remove the garment failed utterly as it seemed that it was resistant to Cedric’s sharpest blade. Cedric was feeling the need to pee and he didn’t want to go in the loincloth. He attempted to push his member through the side but it just wouldn’t budge. What could he do? Fukkit! Cedric proceeded to piss in the loincloth.

Except he found that despite his urgent need, he couldn’t. His penis was at 12 O’clock and full attention, it was not letting that pee pass the gates until it gave the password. Unfortunately, the pee had been in such a hurry to leave the reservoir it forgot. So now Cedric had to convince the proud soldier standing at attention to relax and let the floodgates open!

After sitting down, Cedric’s mind wandered momentarily and the soldier in his loincloth began to sag, letting just a little trickle of pee past. The member then woke up and stood at attention preventing further progress. Cedric wondered if it were beet red with embarrassment over its lapse in vigilance and after several false starts, his bladder was sufficiently emptied.

He now had to deal with the fact that his loincloth was now full of piss and he couldn’t get it off. No matter, the warmth was pleasurable and he had more important matters to deal with like “where was he” and “where did the wizard go off to” sort of stuff.

Looking around, he realized that he was outdoors next to some embers that had been a campfire. He rooted through his rations and found dried plums, apricots, and rice. After re-stoking the fire and pulling his frying pan out. Breakfast consisted of gruel and re-hydrated fruit with water from a stream nearby.

After eating nearly all his rations and drinking almost 2 liters of water, Cedric felt energetic. He was able to put his hand down the front of the loincloth as nothing else was permitted. Grasping Mr. Happy, Cedric gave it a loving squeeze only to have it respond with a semi-erection. His loincloth was still damp so he pleasured Mr. Happy and came to a small but satisfying amount. He then went for a walk to see if there were any animals to hunt and went up a nature trail hoping for good luck.

The trail led deep into the forest, the overgrown trees blotted out the sun and made for comfortable walking. No animals showed up and the shade prevented edible shrubs and berries from growing. Cedric came upon an old shale house that was in good shape and had an actual pane of glass on its front! He decided to look in closer to see if it was occupied or if anyone was home.

Upon knocking on the front door, he met an old woman who looked him up and down and motioned him to enter her abode. Sitting him down at a worn but serviceable table, she offered him a cup of mugwort and mushroom tea. She had welcomed him into her home, she said, as visitors were rare in these parts and she was happy for the company.

Nibbling on a prune cookie, Cedric related his adventures since leaving the city on a quest for fortune ending it with his experiences in the dungeon and his waking up at the edge of the woods this morning. The old woman listened with great care to his story and asked for news of the city to which Cedric was more than pleased to answer in a way that surprised him as he usually wasn’t as glib with total strangers about social conversations.

“Oh, that’s just the tea dearie, when you get to be my age you get tired of embellishments and braggadocios,” said the old woman with a slight cackle. “Don’t worry about it, it wears off quite quickly and I’d like to have a bit more information concerning your enchanted loincloth. Where have your pants got off to, I would ask as well.”

Cedric hadn’t realized that he was pant-less until the old woman mentioned it and scrambled to come up with an appropriate response. “I woke up with them, I went on my walk with them, somehow they’re not here now.”

“They were absorbed by your ‘new’ loincloth, most likely. I suspect that any clothes that come into contact with them will be absorbed for additional fuel. I’ll bet that your shirt will be next as it appears to be a bit shorter than when you first came to my home” cackled the woman. “Now take a shit and make it a healthy one!”

Cedric felt cramping in his abdomen as his bowels were compressed, he had no choice but to void them. Hot, squishy effluvia shot from his anus as every bit of the contents of his small intestine to his large intestine pushed their contents into the loincloth. The loincloth took every bit of it and didn’t seem to complain one bit.

“Now piss yourself, dearie! Just empty that bladder and don’t miss a drop!” demanded the old woman. Cedric peed himself, it was a warm stream of pee that filled up every bit of the loincloth’s front causing it to expand at a measured rate. When he was finished, the loincloth had swollen to an alarming size, hanging loose on Cedric’s hips but still hanging on. Cedric couldn’t help but feel the swollen fabric with his hand. It squished and grabbed his member with an almost drunken grip.

“Oh, Cedric! And here I thought you were so manly!” Cackled the old woman loudly. “You have paraphilic tendencies compounded by infantile neurosis! How pathetic!”

Everything faded to black as Cedric lost consciousness.

Epilogue

Wanda awoke from her nightmare. A D&D-themed one with cursed britches no less. Thank heavens it was only a dream! One that would keep her therapist in cash for a long time, but still a dream! She looked at the clock and got up to make the morning coffee. Best to let Bob sleep in, he wasn’t getting much rest these days with the experiments that they were working on in the Bio-Lab.

After making the coffee, she poured two big steaming mugs and took them to the bedroom, (it was the second-best way of waking your husband after all).

“Bo-o-ob! Wakey, wakey! Time to get up and smell the coffee!” giggled Wanda. Bob wasn’t stirring so she put the coffee mugs down and went to gently shake his shoulder. Bob stirred to Wanda’s gentle ministrations and said “Bagagaga! Goobie goobie goobie! Da! Da!”

Wanda was taken aback by the naked baby in her bed that was swimming in her husband’s pajamas. They were wet.