From College to Crib

Chapter Description: Waking up with Kat in the room poses a real problem for Alice as she desperately needs the bathroom. She decides to go downstairs and pray that her mom is in a forgiving mood.

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I stumbled forwards as if in a daze. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Kat go over to the closet. When she opened it, she was greeted by the air bed, tucked up in a corner and reserved for guests… she also saw multiple packs of diapers, ones that didn’t yet fit in my dresser drawer. She bent over to pick up the bed and when she turned back around, I was lying on the bed. I wanted to cry but I tried to preserve the last shred of dignity I still had remaining.

“I… I don’t understand.” Kat asked hesitantly as she dragged the deflated bed and pump to the centre of the room, “Doesn’t Alice do this herself?”

“Unfortunately, she’s not very good at it.” Mom replied. She sounded like this was a burden for her when in reality it was only happening because of her rules, “And she’s been naughty in the past. We decided it’s much easier for me to help.”

My eyes watered. I quickly wiped them with the back of my hand as the tapes on the front of my diaper were pulled away. The padding fell between my legs, heavy from my accidents during the day. Mom pulled it down without hesitation. I saw Kat stare with wide eyes for a few seconds before she quickly turned away. This was uncomfortable for everyone except Mom. I could only imagine what my best friend must’ve been thinking of me. Disgusting, gross, shameful and pathetic were just a few of the words that I considered must be running through her mind.

I looked to the side, away from Mom and Kat. I’m sure the change didn’t take any more or less time than usual, but it felt like an age before Mom was taping up a fresh disposable. She had been none too gentle with the cleaning and her icy cold eyes stared at me the whole time. I wasn’t sure she had even blinked. She balled up the old one whilst humming cheerfully. She turned to face Kat with my old, soaked diaper in hand.

“Whilst you’re staying with us, I want you to feel at home.” Mom said. I glanced over and saw that Kat was staring at the diaper, “If you want a snack or a drink feel free to help yourself.”

“Thanks…” Kat replied though her mind was clearly elsewhere.

“Alright, you girls have fun.” Mom said as she walked to the door. I thought the humiliation was finally over but there was still time for one more embarrassment as Mom stopped in the doorway and turned to face me, “Oh, and don’t forget to come and find me if you need the potty.”

I was still lying on the bed and staring up at the ceiling. At Mom’s words I covered my blushing face. The door was closed, and I was alone with Kat. Everything had changed. I couldn’t bring myself to look at my best friend who must now surely thing I was the most pitiful human being on Earth. I didn’t both covering my diaper. What was the point? Kat had seen everything.

For a long time, the only sounds in the room were from the storm outside and Kat’s slow inflation of her mattress. That was OK with me. I would’ve been happy not to say another word until after Kat left. Eventually I pulled my legs up and, whilst cringing at the crinkling, slipped them under the cover. I faced away from the centre of the room and hoped it looked like I was asleep.

I would’ve loved to have actually fallen asleep but that seemed impossible. My mind was racing. I just couldn’t forget what had happened, what Kat had seen. I was constantly battling between tossing and turning and trying to lay completely still. I wanted to be so still I would practically disappear. After a long frustrating time, I thought Kat might’ve been asleep. I couldn’t hear her moving and so I let out a long sigh as well as a punch of frustration to my pillow. I thought I might burst into tears, at least it would probably mean I fell asleep when I exhausted them.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Kat’s voice sounded small and distant. I instantly froze up.

“I… don’t know.” I replied honestly as I sniffed back the tears I had almost begun to allow to fall, “I don’t know what I could say.”

More silence. I didn’t know what Kat expected me to say. There was no way I could explain the way Mom was treating me. I was certain Kat saw me as some weird girl that she would’ve been better off never meeting, she was definitely lying in the dark on the inflatable mattress wishing she had never shown up at my door.

“Does you Mom always change you?” Kat asked quietly.

I wanted to say no. It would’ve been a lie but at least it would’ve made me look a little less pathetic. I remained silent and I was sure the lack of an answer was more than enough for Kat to work out the truth.

“And the sippy cup at dinner?” Kat continued, “Do you always use one of those?”

“No.” This time it was easier to say because it was the truth. Sometimes I was given a regular cup… Sometimes.

“I just… I wasn’t expecting this.” Kat eventually said.

I didn’t blame her. I desperately wanted to argue to her that I wasn’t a baby and yet I really didn’t have a leg to stand on. It was like I could feel her respect ebbing away with each word. The student she had been friends with was actually a useless baby.

“Is your Mom always so… strict?” Kat asked. Her voice was even quieter as if she was afraid of being overheard, “And why was it so weird when we talked about Thanksgiving?”

I didn’t say anything. There didn’t feel like any words existed which could make any of what had happened better. I hoped Kat got the message that I wanted nothing more than silence.

“So, when you…” Kat started.

“I’m pretty tired.” I interrupted, “I think we should just go to sleep.”

“OK.” Kat said. There was a long pause, “You can always talk to me though. You know that, right? No matter what is going on.”

I pulled the cover up and over my head. I knew Kat was trying to be nice, but I was sure that as soon as she was out of the house and found a new internet connection she would block or delete me from the messenger. I wouldn’t have been surprised if Kat snuck away in the middle of the night despite the risks of the storm.

It was impossible to say how long I laid underneath my covers staring forwards. I know Kat eventually fell asleep as I heard her snoring softly whilst I still stared into the darkness. Eventually I must’ve fallen into dreamland as exhaustion took over.

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When my eyes fluttered open the next morning, I didn’t immediately remember why I could feel dread in my stomach. I reached down to the diaper and could feel that it was damp. I wasn’t sure if it was just sweat or if I’d peed in my sleep. It seemed like the padding had bulked up a little too much for it just to be because of my warm bed.

I heard a snore next to me and the previous day came flooding back into my mind. I raised my hands up and pressed the palms against my eyes. I wasn’t given long to dwell on the previous evening as after a few seconds I felt a cramp in my side. I bent towards the pain a little and grimaced until it passed. I needed to poop. Judging by the pain in my bowels it was what had woken me up.

Sitting up, I felt the diaper shift and heard it crinkle under the covers. Kat was still asleep. If I was smart about this, it might work out alright. I just needed to get downstairs to see Mom, she would have my potty and with a little luck Kat would never see that embarrassing part of my life.

I tried to remain stealthy as I pulled back the covers. I slipped out of bed and put on my dressing gown. Kat shifted a few times, but she didn’t wake up. When I was halfway to the door I looked back at my friend, how I wished I could be as relaxed as Kat looked at that moment. Unfortunately, I spent a little too long looking over my shoulder as I walked into the cabinet by the door. My knee connected with the wood with a thump, and I stumbled forwards, the door opened but I heard Kat jerk awake with a little exclamation of surprise. I didn’t hang around, instead I hurried out of the door and along to the top of the stairs.

Perhaps the fear I felt about Kat following me was making me more nervous, but I felt the need for the potty grow. I took the stairs two at the time until I reached the bottom. I stuck my head into the living room but Mom wasn’t there. I paused for a second and heard her voice down the hallway. I pulled my gown tighter around me and walked through to the back of the house. Mom was in the dining room using her laptop and talking on the phone.

“Mom?” I said as I walked in.

Mom put her finger up to stop as she said something about a spreadsheet. She scrolled on the screen and furrowed her brow as she adjusted some data. I waited for her to finish but Mom seemed to be in no rush. A minute later I could feel the pressure increasing.

“Mom?” I said again, a little quieter this time.

Mom gave me a look which told me I wasn’t to interrupt her. I danced from one foot to the other with my hands on the back of my disposable. Mom’s ability to ignore me was mightily impressive. It was like she didn’t have an adult daughter desperately trying not to fill her diaper right next to her. After another few minutes I reached a point where waiting just wasn’t an option any longer. Regardless of consequences I simply had to get Mom’s attention.

“Mom!” I squealed in a half-whisper, “I need the toilet!”

I saw Mom’s face flash with anger. She slowly turned to look at me and covered the phone with her hand to mute herself. I swallowed anxiously.

“I will take you when I’m done here.” Mom said with a slow stern voice that brooked no disagreement.

“But I need to go now!” I replied desperately.

“You’ll have to wait.” Mom said.

I looked around the room for my potty. Mom had said to wait but maybe if I used the potty right there in front of her, she wouldn’t be mad that I took things into my own hands. The potty wasn’t in sight. She often kept it near her when she was at home, the fact that it wasn’t there right then worried me.

“But Mom…” I started.

“Another word from you and you’ll be spanked in front of Kat.” Mom threatened, “Is that what you want?”

I quickly shook my head. I hadn’t thought Kat could have a lower opinion of me, but Mom was bringing up a prospect that would create that situation. My knees felt weak for a second. Mom looked at me and put a finger back to her lips before going back to the phone.

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