The Designation

Chapter Description: Richard is called through for an interview that will determine everything that comes afterwards...

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The corridor was very long and there were a great many doors leading to, presumably, a great many offices. Richard walked through the door he had been directed to with butterflies in his tummy. Zoe followed him in and closed the door behind her.

“I hope you haven’t had to wait long.” Zoe said with a smile as she indicated a chair in front of her desk for Richard to sit in, “This is always a busy time of year for us. We get a lot of August babies leaving it to the last minute.”

“It wasn’t too bad.” Richard replied.

“Good.” Zoe logged on to her computer, “Right, there’s some things I need to fill in. Whilst I’m doing that there is a test I would like you to fill out. Multiple choice, no big deal.”

A collection of a dozen pieces of paper was slid in front of Richard, stapled together. He looked from the paper to Zoe and back down again. “No big deal”, she had said. Richard knew enough to think there was nothing done in these offices that wasn’t a big deal. He picked up a pen and started looking through the questions whilst Zoe continued to type.

The test was bizarre. The questions were all over the place. One second Richard would be answering a simple math question like “Steve had seven apples and ate two, how many apples does Steve have left?” and then the next question would have him searching his morals, “A trolley is coming down the track, you can do nothing and let it run over five innocent people or pull the lever and make it run over one innocent person…”

“Still going?” Zoe asked a few seconds after she seemingly finished typing.

“Should I be done already?” Richard asked.

“You don’t need to second-guess everything.” Zoe chuckled, “There’s no time limit.”

Richard subtly felt the pressure being applied to him. He wondered if it was intentional. Was he really being slow? Or was Zoe deliberately making him feel slow to see how he reacted? He took a deep breath and forced the paranoid tension out of his body. These people were bureaucrats, not psychologists.

“I think I’m done.” Richard said a couple of minutes later after ticking a couple more boxes.

“Are you sure?” Zoe asked. Her eyebrows were raised.

“I… think so?” Richard replied. His answer sounded more like a question.

“Want to double check anything?” Zoe continued.

Richard was starting to doubt his earlier musings. Maybe Zoe was a psychologist after all, she was certainly making him hesitate before he shook his head and pushed the paper back across the desk. Zoe picked it up and started leafing through it. Richard had assumed she would scan the results into the computer or something, instead she glanced through once and then placed it on the desk. She looked up at Richard and didn’t say anything.

“How did I do?” Richard asked. He was trying to maintain an air of confidence. He hoped the desk hid how much his legs were shaking.

“How do you think you did?” Zoe asked. She leaned on her desk, her elbows on the flat surface and her chin cupped in her hands.

“I don’t know.” Richard shrugged his shoulders, “Average?”

“Hmm.” Zoe made an interested sound and returned to the computer where she inputted more data.

Richard could feel himself starting to sweat. He had first thought he would be in and out in no time, then that talking to Zoe would be a formality… but now he was panicking. He could clearly see that he should’ve been worried all along. His mind turned to running away. He imagined leaping out of the chair, wrenching the door open and sprinting towards the big double doors. If her was lucky, maybe he would catch the guards unaware, get a bit of a head start… but then what?

“You’re looking a little pale.” Zoe commented. She was still typing but her eyes kept darting over to Richard, “Are you feeling unwell?”

“A little…” Richard’s stomach churned. He desperately wanted to know what Zoe was typing, “So… you’re some kind of therapist or something?”

“Or something.” Zoe replied, her answer giving little away.

“L-Look… C-Can we be upfront with each other?” Richard asked a little desperately.

“About what?” Zoe turned away from the computer.

“It’s just… I think that maybe I haven’t given the best account of myself.” Richard tried to smile, it didn’t work, “And, I think, maybe if you gave me the test again I could do better.”

“Hmm.” Zoe made the same interested sound again as she went back to the PC and typed out some more sentences, “You think you could do better?”

Richard swallowed. He felt like he had just made things worse. Maybe he shouldn’t have drawn attention to it, maybe the whole thing was a test and stressing over it was failing. His hands were shaking now as he gripped the arms of his chair hard. When he didn’t answer her, Zoe went back to rapidly typing.

“Well, I think we have everything we need.” Zoe said, “Unless you’ve got anything to add?”

Richard stared forwards dumbly. He felt like he SHOULD have something to say. He should be pleading his case forcefully, proving his masculinity and maturity. He couldn’t think of anything. His mind was blank and after a few seconds he just shook his head. As Zoe reached into a drawer and pulled out some forms, he started praying to be designated Big.

“Well, Richard, we’ve looked at your whole past.” Zoe started, “Your grades at school were average, though your attendance was in the lowest fifteen percent. There’s very little in terms of extra-curriculars and those we have asked about you have made comments suggesting a certain… immaturity.”

“You’ve asked people about me?” Richard interrupted.

“We are thorough.” Zoe replied, “We don’t want to make a mistake with the rest of your life after all. We have asked teachers and community leaders, people who know you but maintain some objectivity.”

Richard watched as his name was filled out on the certificate in front of Zoe. She wrote in the date and time, then she moved across to the box showing designation, the one where the big stamp went. On the corner of the desk was a green stamp, like the one Richard had seen used on the other young man’s certificate, and next to it, a red stamp. Zoe’s hand started to move over to them.

Richard watched with wide eyes and a dry mouth. The young woman’s fingers brushed against the green stamp that would’ve meant Big, instead her fingers clasped the red stamp. Richard’s heart and stomach dropped simultaneously. It was like a nightmare was unfolding in front of him in slow motion.

“Wait!” Richard exclaimed, “L-Look, I know you have a bad impression of me. M-Maybe I haven’t tried hard enough up until now but…”

“Richard, I’m sorry, but…” Zoe lifted the stamp. Richard could see the red ink on the mould which read “Little.” His lip trembled, “We don’t make mistakes.”

“No! Please! I can’t be a Little!” Richard begged, “I’ll… I’ll give you money! I’ll do whatever you want! PLEASE!”

“Richard, do you know that trying to bribe a government official is a crime?” Zoe asked, “I’m willing to overlook it, I’m sure this is a shock, but you’ll get used to it.”

“I… I…” Richard wrapped his arms around his midsection. It had to be a sick joke.

The stamp came down on the certificate. Zoe pressed it down, making sure the word “Little” would be permanently affixed to it. As the stamp came away, it took with it all of Richard’s adulthood. He could only stare as the ink quickly started to dry. He thought about running again, but as if his mind was being read, Zoe picked up the phone on her desk and called for security.

“It’s just procedure.” Zoe said as she replaced the phone, “To escort you to the next phase.”

“I’m… not a Little.” Richard said weakly.

“As of about ten seconds ago, yes, you are.” Zoe replied, “I know it gets a bad rap, but it’s not so bad. You will be well looked after and you won’t have to worry about things like money, relationships, jobs…”

“I WANT to worry about those things!” Richard suddenly said.

“It has been decided that you won’t have to.” Zoe replied. She was smiling again, but it was the sort of indulgent smile you aim at a child telling you about their day, “I’ll level with you, baby. Once you came in here, the chances of you being a Big were almost nil. You had some very bad scores. You would’ve had to ace the test, and even then…”

“Can I appeal?” Richard already knew the answer as the crush weight of what was coming started to fall on his shoulders, “Speak to a supervisor or something?”

“It doesn’t work like that I’m afraid.” Zoe said.

The door to the office opened and two men in security uniforms walked in. They moved across and stood either side of Richard’s chair. He looked up at them, one stared resolutely ahead whilst the other had a sympathetic expression.

Richard’s brain had seemingly emptied. He didn’t know how to react, he didn’t know what to think. All his plans and thoughts about the future had just gone up in smoke right in front of him. It didn’t seem real that he was losing his adulthood, had already lost it, from the moment the ink hit the certificate. He thought about all the other people in the lobby who would now be walking away with their adulthood intact, just another day, off to call friends and hang out. Richard thought about his own friends and how humiliated he would feel if any of them knew what had just happened.

“Richard, we know this can be a stressful time.” Zoe said. Her smile was sympathetic, and her voice was soft, “These are some big changes that are about to hit you. That’s why these gentlemen will escort you to the next part of the process.”

“Can I…” Richard started another forlorn desperate attempt for a reprieve.

“No, baby.” Zoe replied, “There is one thing you can help me with though. Did you come here with anyone?”

“My parents.” Richard’s voice cracked as he said it. His eyes teared up as he imagined what they would think when they heard the news.

“We can’t let you leave here without legal guardians. This is likely the last serious choice you will have to make.” Zoe said the second sentence as if it was a good thing, “Would you like to be placed under the care of your parents? Or would you prefer to be put up for adult adoption?”

What a choice! Richard blinked and felt fat tears rolling down his cheeks. He wanted a third option, one that meant he didn’t have to spend the rest of his life as a baby! Richard took a deep shaky breath. He hadn’t given any thought to what he would want. He didn’t think ANYONE would spend time asking themselves where they wanted to be a baby, at home or somewhere else.

Richard started thinking about what was going to happen. He had seen TV shows of Littles. He’d seen the nurseries, the toys, the… diapers. He felt himself starting to get angry. This was unfair. He had never agreed with the whole designation process at all. His sister had spent years telling him what a farce it all was! He hadn’t really paid much attention but now it was the only thing that mattered at all. Why should he have to make such a decision when he was perfectly capable of being an adult?

“No.” Richard stated. He tried to inject as much authority into his voice as he could manage, “You can’t do this to me!”

Richard tried to get up and out of his seat. Two hands immediately clapped him on the shoulder and pushed him back down against the chair. His hands balled up uselessly. He was tiny compared to the two behemoths standing next to him. In his impotent rage he stamped his feet against the floor and let out a scream that he felt must’ve been heard all the way back in the lobby.

“Calm down, son.” The older of the security guards said, “You don’t want to cause trouble.”

Trouble was exactly what Richard wanted to cause. He acted as if he was calming down, just enough to get the security to lower their guard. Then he lunged forwards at the desk. He didn’t really know what he wanted to do, he wouldn’t hit a woman, but his frustration and fury couldn’t be contained. He aimed to hit the computer, the avatar of the algorithm that had just condemned him. His arm barely started to swing forwards before it was grabbed by a large hand.

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