A Comedy of AR's

Chapter 74
Freaky Friday (20) – Growing Back Up

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I didn’t think the stunt I pulled at the zoo was so terrible.  No one got hurt.  Nothing was stolen.  Still, Paul grounded me for the next three days which was really unfair.  That sort of took the hope away from going to Disney World and seeing the big mice.

Paul was not my dad.  He wouldn’t even let me write a letter to the ‘It’s not fair’ column of Boystuff Magazine.  Why?  Cuz I’m not a boy at the moment?  Sam gave me a hard spank for it.  Wasn’t that punishment enough?

So I spent much of the time in the upstairs bedroom playing with my junior sized pussy.  I wasn’t happy I had one, and I didn’t think I’d ever be.  It still felt like my penis had been cut off.  Most of my activity involved shoving various objects up my hole to imagine what it would feel like getting fucked.  Because of my young age, I had a pretty tight cunt, but for now, I had no interest in losing my female virginity and Sam didn’t ask me to.

Mostly, Sam would occupy the other half of the bed playing with his boy toy.  Sometimes we would alternate hands like I did with Penelope Point DuJour.  The whole thing I would call ‘boring sex’ because it still felt like we (or I in particular) were being punished.

I was constantly fascinated when looking at Sam’s body because it was my body when I was eleven years old.  But one of the weird things about it was the fact that when I was eleven, I never stood around ogling at the mirror and thinking about how fucking gorgeous I was as a little boy.  I thought it was just normal to always be the cutest boy in my school and that girls were always nice to me.

At the time, I didn’t understand why 90 percent of the boys had trouble getting girl friends … because I never had to work for it.  Many of the boys disliked me for that, but frankly, I didn’t care what they thought of me.

Getting ‘petted’ was a daily occurrence in school.  Girls would run their fingers through my hair and they were always ‘touchy-feely’ with my body.  They would walk past me in the hall and, not just say ‘hello Derrek’, but they would do the ‘hello’ while holding on to one of my body parts … shoulder, arm, neck, waist. 

Or, they would simply rub up against me like a house cat.  In those days, they did not rub my crotch in public … That was still a bridge too far.  But I enjoyed going to school then because my home life was such a disaster with a missing father and an alcoholic mother.

The three days passed and the ‘water people’ aged six years.  Daniel was now a distinguished looking 19 and ready to move back into his house.  I now occupied a body that was Sammantha’s at age eleven.  This body was much different that the ones at five, seven, and nine.  Those bodies could fit into a rectangular cardboard box.

My body at age eleven was more mysterious.  It wasn’t straight anymore.  My hips were now slightly wider than my waist.  And my ‘training boobs’ were no longer boyish.  But the biggest change was in muscle tone.  My strength doubled overnight.  My thighs were very strong.  This was the beginning of Sammantha’s rock hard athletic body.  And I noticed some hair on my twinkie, too.

However, the morning did not exactly start out on a pleasant note for me.

“OH  SHIT!!   Oh Fuck!”  I had just awakened and was sitting up in bed.  “Look at what you did to me, Sam!  This was your fucking body and it made a fucking mess!”

Sam opened one of this two eyes and moaned, “What are you talking about, Derrek?”

I hollered, “You know god damn fucking well what I’m talking about!  I’ve got girl flu!  Or mad cow disease!  I’m having the painters in!  I’ve just checked into the Red Roof Inn!  I’m flying with the Red Baron!  It’s Shark Week!”

Sam didn’t seem to be too concerned and he moaned again, “Congratulations, Derrek, you’re a big girl now.”

I was so mad at his flippant response that I dipped two fingers in the red stuff and painted it on his lips.

That got his attention.  “Hey, stop that!” he yelled, rubbing his lips.  “Are you crazy?”

“Oh yes, Sam,” I huffed.  “In fact, being crazy is quite normal when a girl gets her first period.”

“Okay, look, Derrek.  I’ve got tampons back at our apartment.  Seriously, it’s not that big a deal.”

“ … Says the person who has a penis dangling between his legs.”

The boy replied, “Derrek, it will be okay.  As soon as we’re dressed, I’ll ask my dad to drive us back there.  For now, just stick some tissues in your panties.”

“Sam, why don’t you just use the classic female putdown … ‘Don’t get your panties in a bunch’.”

“Because I’m not putting you down, Derrek.  I spent a lot of years having periods, just like every other female.”

“Okay, fine, but I want to go on the official record and say that this really sucks.”

The boy sighed.  “I hear you, Derrek.  Let’s put the sheets in the wash.”

We had cereal and milk for breakfast.  That’s it.  Sam was the first to speak.’

“Dad, after you drop off Daniel, can you please drive us back to our apartment.  I need to help Derrek with a ‘problem’.”

“What kind of problem?” ask Paul.

I interrupted, “There’s a geyser of blood gushing from my vagina.  I think we should call 9-1-1.   I’m not optimistic about my chances of survival.”

Paul nodded.  “Well, Derrek, you’re actually dealing with it a lot more calmly than when Sammantha got her first period at age eleven.”

Sam (the boy) rolled his eyes.  “Dad, is it really necessary to discuss this at the breakfast table?”

“Oh, yes.  Sammantha took one of the large tin-snip scissors from my workshop and started running around the streets with the goal of cutting off the penis of every boy in the neighborhood.”

Hearing that made me actually grin a little bit.  “So was Sammantha very successful?”

“Thank god, no,” answered Paul.  “She got one twelve-year-old boy cornered in his garage, and they were running around the cars.  But his mom saw it and called the police right away, before Sammantha could start her trophy case.”

I looked at the boy next to me.  “Wow, Sam, so I’m not really the bad person after all.”

“No, Derrek, this time, I’m the bad one.

Daniel raised a new topic.  The rugged looking 19 year old with the deep voice told us, “Listen you guys, I read on the internet that all involuntary actions are controlled in the brain stem by the medulla oblongata.”

I asked, “So are you saying, Daniel, that all we need to do is cut out our medullas and then everything will be hunky dory?”

“No, Derrek, you’d die.  You’d probably stop breathing and your heart would stop beating.  Since the age-regression contractions are involuntary, that’s where the water curse has to be located.  But I can’t figure out how our body mass changes.”

Sam suggested, “Derrek and I thought that maybe our cells turn into gasses but stay within our bodies and gradually reform as we age foreward.”

I noted, “I would sure like to talk to that woman and ask her how she does it.”

“Her name is Queen-emma Allred.”

Sam and I perked up our ears.  “How do you know that?” I asked.

Daniel explained, “When Yolanda was watching the news one night, I saw the woman getting arrested for prostitution … recognized her instantly.”

“Does she still look like a skank?” I asked.

“Even worse.”

Sam changed the subject. “Hey, Dad, would it be okay with you if we stayed there … at our apartment?  Derrek and I would like to move back in.”

Paul raised an eyebrow.  “Two eleven-year-olds?  I’m not so sure I can trust you guys in that kind of a situation.”

“Please, Dad?” begged Sam.  “You know we’re both adults.  We have a phone if we need you.  In a few days, Derrek will be able to drive again with my license.  And we’ll just feel more comfortable sleeping in our own beds.”

I had to step in.  “Paul, I’m really sorry for the way I behaved as a four-year-old.  In the last seven years, I’ve really matured.”

“The last seven years?” Paul queried.  “What is that, like three days in water-curse years?”

“Sam and I have got each other’s back.  We’re working together now.  The refrigerator’s still full and we can walk a mile to the mall if we need something.  I think we need to get aired out anyway.”

When we got to Daniel’s house to drop him off, there wasn’t a dry eye in the SUV.  Daniel was just gushing tears.  We got out and he hugged us for about a minute each.  “I owe you my life,” he bawled.

I tried to correct him on that.  My eleven-year-old girl voice didn’t quite sound so much like a squeaky toy now.  “Daniel, if you hadn’t figured out those combination locks, I’d be dead … so we’re even.  You’re my favorite back-stabber ever.”

We exchanged phone numbers and waved our goodbyes.  Then it was back to home sweet apartment.  All three of us pitched in to haul up all our ‘designer’ Goodwill clothes to our suite on the fifth floor.

Paul was a bit gruff on departing.  “I’m not going to pretend that I’m happy with your situation … and I’m not ready to write off the possibility that you could switch back.”

Then he put his hands on the boy’s shoulder.  “Sammantha, whatever fate brings, I’ll always be there for you.  And if you decide to play in little league, I’ll come and watch.”

They hugged, and Sam replied, “Thanks, Dad.”

Then Paul looked at me.  “Derrek, I’d be happier if you didn’t look like my daughter.  Be it as it may, if you ever need any more bodies dumped into Lake Erie, you’ve got my number.  Next month, in fact, I’m having a 25 percent off special for repeat customers.”

“Paul, you’ve been very kind.” I responded.  “Thank you for everything.”

It was nice to be back home, but Sam and I had to take care of immediate business, namely the problem between my legs.  So here I was at age eleven, being the first male in world history to seek out instructions on how to insert my tampon.

I was not exactly in a good mood, especially when Sam told me take off my pants, lie down on the bed, and spread my legs.

“Derrek, you should probably take your panties off too.  It would be a help.”

“Why do I have to lie down to do this?  What if I get my panties in a bunch?”

“Since this is your first time, it will make it easier … Next time you can squat.”

“Okay, Sam, here’s a good look at my middle-school treasure, with legs spread wide.  Is it turning you on?  Do you like the hair on my twinkie?  Or are you like a gynecologist, where you’ve seen so many, that one cunt looks just like the next?”

Sam sighed.  “Derrek, I’m trying to help you.”

“Okay, doctor, then let’s proceed.”

“Alright, so this box has three different types for light, medium, and heavy days.  The first two days are the heaviest, but we’ll start you with a medium since this is your first period.”

“Sam, why are they plastic tubes?  How can plastic absorb liquid?”

“The tampon is inside the plastic tube.  I’ll push it out and show you … See, it’s cotton with a string tail.”

“Looks like a mouse, Sam.  Maybe your dad can use them as fishing lures.”

“We tried.  The fish are too smart, or they just don’t like white bait.  Snakes will eat ‘em, but they’re not too healthy … Okay, now you want to make sure that you insert it into your vagina and not your urethra.”

I scoffed, “No shit, Sherlock.  So do I have to remove it, every time I want to pee?”

“Oh, no … If you stick it up far enough it won’t block your pee … Okay, I’m going to insert it now, but first I’ll need to spread apart your vaginal lips.”

“Jeez, Sam, you’re making it sound like a god damn medical experiment.  Should we be filming this in case I want to sue you later?   The video could be an instructional guide for other young girls.”

“I don’t think Youtube allows cunts.

“But what if it’s educational?  Are you sure that a baby isn’t going to pop out if you do it wrong?”

“I’m ignoring you, Derrek,” said the boy.  “Okay, so I’ll hold the middle of the tube and push it in at an angle toward your spine.”

“Sam, why is it so difficult to push it in?”

The boy was getting frustrated.  “You’ve got a tight cunt, Derrek.  You need to try relaxing your vaginal muscles.”

“I’m sorry, Sam … My mommy never taught me how to do that.”

“Maybe your hymen is intact.”

“You’re wrong, Sam.  Simple Simon broke my hymen going to the fair.  Said the pieman to Simple Simon …”

“Shut up, Derrek!  There, you see how we’ve got the front part of the applicator all the way in now?  Okay, I’m going to let you push in the plunger, and just make sure you go all the way up, but leave the string sticking out.”

“Won’t the snakes try to eat it?”

“Just do it, and pull out the applicator when you’re done.”

“So Sam, I know that most boys have special feelings about their penises.  Do you think that girls have special feelings about their cunts?”

“They all do, Derrek.”

“Hmmm … Okay, I think it’s in.  Wow, Sam!  That was really erotic.  You just taught me how to fuck myself.  Can I stop spreading my legs now?”

“Fuck you, Derrek.”