A Comedy of AR's

Chapter 77
CHAPTER 177 .......... A Package Arrives

Chapter Description: 2 new pictures added 2/9/24 Images for this story can be found at the following web...... https://sites.google.com/view/comedy-ars-characters/home

CHAPTER  177

With me still a six-year-old, we headed out for lunch on Saturday, Sammantha stopped by the mail room and opened up the little snail mail box with her key.  She found one item … a note from FedEx with the words:  ‘You have a package which must be picked up in person at our depot.  Please bring proper ID.’

The FedEx depot wasn’t that far, being located on Cayuga Road near the airport.

“Derrek, we don’t know how big this package is, and the Porsche doesn’t have a big trunk.  Maybe we should drive your junker.”

“You think it will still start, Mom?

“Well it’s been in the covered garage … As long as the battery isn’t dead, I think it should go.”

We approached my very dusty 13 year old Honda Accord in the garage and were fortunate that it started up after three tries.  The features that gave it such a large trunk were the fold down rear seats.  We had no idea how big the package would be, but I think we both had an inkling of what it might contain.

When we arrived at the FedEx depot, we were directed to go inside and all the way back … where we ended up at an enclosed cage that would have made a great jail cell.

Two large security guys with badges (and no smiles) were there to check us in.  Unbelievably, they had to photograph both of us, and, in addition, we were both ordered to put our fingers into a biometric scanner for fingerprinting.

Yet still, before handing over our package, we were asked to provide the point of origin for the item in question.  Sammantha and I turned our backs and whispered suggestions on how to answer.

Sammantha then came back and replied, “Japan.”

“Wait here,” the guard ordered.

He returned a minute later pushing a four-wheeler with a rectangular object similar but larger than a footlocker.  But this was no ordinary footlocker.  It appeared to be made of a ballistic carbon fiber with stainless steel corners.  It would be difficult to break into.

In the center of the box near the handle was a heavy duty four-number comination lock.  I was about to ask “Mom?”.

“Don’t worry about it.  Major probably knows the combination.”

“Even though we ordered it?”

“My guess is that the contents are dedicated to Shilo only.”

One of the security guards rolled the suitcase to our car and Sammantha popped the trunk open. 

I whispered to the guard, “She’s one of the strongest women in the world and she just wants to show off.”

Sure enough, Sammantha grabbed the suitcase handle of the oversized box with one hand and lifted the heavy load into our trunk … and handed the guard a fifty dollar gratuity.

“Thank you kindly, Ma’am.”

“Are we going inside the restaurant for lunch, Mom?”

“I don’t want to leave our ‘precious cargo’ alone, sweety.  We’ll go through McDonald’s drive-thru.  We may have paid $50,000 for the contents, but I have a hunch that its true value may be in the millions.”

“So Mom, you still think it’s a prototype pair that the company wants to place in the field … and study what happens?”

“Derrek, I can almost guarantee you that there’s a device inside that communicates back to its creators in real time … with all the data they can possibly consume.”

“Mom, you don’t think they did that with the head and torso?”

“For what?  Derrek, without the legs, Shilo just sits around watching TV and having sex.  But with mobility, Shilo becomes a true AI with unlimited travel potential and the chance to make important decisions.”

“Like whether to be good or evil?”

“Shilo is sentient, so for now, we’re going to trust her word that she’s going to be our ally.”

After we ate, Sammantha punched up Shilo’s partner on her cell phone.

He answered, “Good afternoon, Sammantha.  What brings your voice into my home?”

“I have a box in the trunk of Derrek’s car.  I’d like to bring it over if you and Shilo are not too busy.”

There was another sound in the background.  “It is good to hear from you again Godmother.”

“And you also, Shilo,” replied Sammantha.

“It’s in Derrek’s car?” asked Major.  “Is the twelve-year-old driving?”

“No, he ran into some water and he’s six right now, but he let me borrow it.  Derrek also has something of mild importance to tell you. If you have no objections, we’ll be coming over in a few minutes.”

“Certainly, Sammantha.  We’ll both be looking forward to it.”

We made a quick stop at our apartment to pickup some ‘Goodwill’ clothing for Shilo and then proceded on our way … At the house, Major was already standing in his open doorway when we arrived.

Sammantha revved up her muscles again and lifted the large box out of the trunk.  She walked up the front steps and brought the heavy footlocker into Major’s living room.

Sammantha commented cheerfully, “Merry Christmas, Major and Shilo.”

“Welcome, family,” said Major.  “There’s definitely a ‘wow’ factor when you bring over a gift this big.  If I had to guess, I would say you brought over a dead body in a trunk, but the real question would be who?”

Shilo, her torso planted on the living room sofa offered, “My guess  would be a live Great Dane … very loveable, but Major’s going to have to pick up all the giant size poop.”

I had to laugh.  “Shilo, it’s still amazing to me that for an AI, you have a great sense of humor.”

“I try to take after you, Derreksan.  And I want to blend in with humanity.  And why are you in your ‘Johnny Meeks’ body today?”

I added, “I accidently touched water.  Before we open the ballistic suitcase, there’s something I need to tell you.”

Shilo nodded.  “From your tone, this sounds important, Derreksan.”

“I think it is … Remember when you spoke to our Math class and how quickly you figured out that five-year-old Johnny Meeks was actually twelve-year-old Derrek Adams and 28-year-old Derrek Hamlish?  You recognized that age regression was a real thing.”

Major agreed.  “I tried to steer Shilo away from the subject because it was nobody else’s business.”

“Well, it turns out that I’m not the only student in our math class who’s been age regressed.”

Shilo stated, matter-of-factly, “Yes, Derreksan, we’re aware of Madeline Davenport.”

Sammantha and I both yelled out, “WHAT?!!”

Major filled the rest in.  “When I got home that day, just out of curiosity, I asked Shilo to age progress the faces of all the 23 other students from the photograph and see if any of them might also have a record with the New York BMV.”

“And Madeline’s face was a ‘hit’?” I asked.

“Yes, Derreksan,” said Shilo.  “But obviously, she had changed her last name just as you had, for the purpose of going to school.”

I opened up my hands and asked, “But why didn’t you tell me this before?”

Major explained, “Derrek, would you have wanted me to tell all your classmates about your water curse and let them know you were really 28 years old?”

“I guess not.”

“Well,” Major continued, “Do you think that Madeline would have been happy if I told anyone else that she was 30 years old?”

I put my hands down.  “Okay … I see your point.  But can you confirm if any other kids in our Math class are age-regressed?”

“None, Derreksan,” Shilo answered.  “It is only the two of you.”

“That’s good to know, Shilo.  Well, I don’t want you to wait till Christmas to open your present, but I think we need to ask Major for the combination.”

My instructor gave me a funny look.  “Derrek, I wasn’t given any new combination but I can try the one I used from Shilo’s first trunk.  It’s every third prime number counting backwards.  You want to help me?”

“Oh sure, Major … That’s a good combo for a math teacher.  But can you give me a minute with a pencil and paper?  How many numbers are there?”

“There’s four, and we’re in no rush.”

Shilo and Major both knew it already, but I liked to participate in the puzzle.  So if the first prime numbers are 2, 3, 5, 7, 11, 13, 17, 19, 23, 29, 31, 37, then every third prime would be 5,13, 23, 37.   “Okay, the combination is 37, 23, 13, and 5.”

“Don’t just stand there, Derrek,” said Major.  “Turn the dials.  Remember though, if you miss one number, the whole thing blows up.”

“Thanks, Major.  I’ll try to be careful.”   The dials turned just like with a regular padlock and when I finished, three deadbolt locks popped open electronically.  I lifted the front lid, I felt like I was opening a pharoah’s tomb in Egypt.  I removed the top layer of foam … and there they were … two very human looking million dollar legs that we purchased at a huge discount.

“As I mentioned earlier, Godmother and Derreksan, I am incapable of generating the proper amount of thanks and appreciation for this gift.  As you know, an infinite amount of energy is required to approach the speed of light.  So, too, is gratitude.”

Sammantha replied, “Shilo, in the way humans express this, we acknowledge the sideways figure eight  ( ∞ ) as the symbol of your gratitude.  This is an acceptable amount to Derreksan and myself.”

Major offered an open hand.  “Derrek, would you like to do the honors?”

I was surprised by the invitation and wasn’t sure I could lift anything.  “Oh sure, Major.  Thanks.”  I lifted the first leg out of the ballistic trunk and noted it’s heft.  “Feels like about twenty pounds, but the skin is very smooth … You know, Major, if we put a lampshade over it, we could display it in your front window and call it a ‘major award’.”

“Smartass.”

(I was of course referencing the movie ‘A Christmas Story’.)

Shilo lifted her clothing upward, revealing a beautiful vagina with whispy pubic hair.  Since I had already been for a ‘roll in the hay’ with that pussy, I made no further comment about it.

The top of the leg had six short metallic heavy duty extension rods protruding outward … with tiny electronic chips built into each one.  Each rod had several holes drilled through which we could assume, would ‘marry’ up with bolts inside the torso.  I brought the leg forward.

“OH NO!” I called out.

“WHAT?!” three voices responded.

“The leg doesn’t fit!”