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Re:Help editing (1 viewing) (1) Guests
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TOPIC: Re:Help editing
#20556
Themaster234 (User)
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Posts: 1
graphgraph
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Help editing 6 Months, 1 Week ago Karma: 0  
Can I have someone to help edit this story I made? I got alot of comments saying this is a good idea to post some stories to get edited

Thanks

On a bright sunny day, in the suburban town, a small child is running around with his pet dog, the boy is five years of age as he is dressed as a pirate. His name is Kevin, he has shaggy brown hair and dressed up as a pirate as he runs around laughing and playing.

In the kitchen stood his grandmother Kim, she's old about, well 100 in Kevin's words, as she is in charge of babysitting him for the day. Kim smile as she wash the dishes.

Kevin ran around till he hears the car pulling up to the driveway. He smile wide as he ran inside to the door, as his mummy came walking in.

His mummy is still in her buiness suit, hugging her bare legs as he yell happily, 'Yay! Mummy's home!'

Jessica smile, the woman is around 34, putting her long hair out of her bun as she pick up her son, 'Hey sweetie! How was your day with Grandma?' she said happily as they walked into the kitchen. Kim was walking out smiling

'Grandma took me to the park today' said Kevin

'Really?' smile Jessica

'Yep, the little tyke got so excited' said Kim hugging them, 'After he just played pirates all afternoon'

Jessica smile as she put Kevin down, he ran to the loungeroom to get his toys while mummy says goodbye to Grandma, as she left the house going back to her own home. Kevin put the toys on the ground as Mummy walked through.

'Mummy!' call out Kevin 'Come play with me!'

Jessica smile, 'sorry sweetie, but Mummy still got some work to do around here' she said rubbing his hair, the walking off to her bedroom to change. Leaving Kevin to sit back and sulk, playing with his toys alone.

Jessica step in her room as she began stripping off her shirt, feeling sorry for Kevin, being the only child with no siblings to play with, he has been asking her and Daniel to play with him a lot lately, but they are always so tired they got no time to play. She strip off her skirt as she slid on her pants, then a shirt as she walked back out, just in time for Daniel to get home.

The father walked in, carrying his briefcase as he undid his tie, rubbing his short brown hair he smile at the sight of his son Kevin running towards him, 'Daddy!' he yell as he got him in a hug.

'Hey kiddo' he said 'I see your mom is here too' he smile as Jessica walked up and gave him a kiss, putting Kevin down as he walk to the kitchen for a beer. Kevin hopes that daddy will play with him, but he got some reports to do first as that is what he always does first, while mummy cooks dinner.

Kevin played alone sadly.

Soon at the dinner table, Daddy and Mummy talked about their day as Kevin ate his spaghetti, seeing this conversation is too boring, he decides to change the subject, 'I went to the park today' he said

Daniel smile, 'Yeah i heard you went to the park' he smiled

'Yeah! and there slides and swings' he tell them happily 'I want us to play there one day'

Jessica and Daniel smile at each other, 'well if we both get a day off, we'll go to the park' she said

'Yep, then we can play all day' finish Daniel

Kevin smile at that, excited and can't wait for their day off so they can play. The family finished their dinner as it is time for Kevins bedtime. Jessica carried him all the way to his room as she lay him down in the bed.

Kevin yawned as he shut his eyes, soon drifting off to sleep, Jessica kiss his forehead, then leave him to sleep peacefully.

Kevin dreams about the park, him and his mummy and daddy are running around, his parents are in their buiness suits as they decide not to do grown up work and play at the park with him. Kevin smile as they all went up the slide and slide down, doing it again and again, Mummy was laughing as she slid down, spreading her legs apart as she call out 'Wheeeeee!' She got up and ran around, just as daddy slid down and chase after her.

Kevin smile, but sadly he woken up, he sat up in bed and rub his eyes, looking over to his clock as it read 10:30, 'wow it's late' he said but he can hear noises, getting up from his bed he walk out.

the noises are coming from his parents room, the door is lock but he can hear thumping and creaking. Kevin put his ear closer, 'Yes! Spank me harder!' Call out mummy, Kevin put his hand to his mouth, they are playing in there! Without him! From the sound of it his parents are playing house and mummy's been a bad girl. Kevin walk sulkily back to his room, they said they were too tired to play, but they're playing without him now.

Kevin sat on his bed as the boy threw a tantrum, 'this isn't fair' he said grumpily, 'I wish mummy and daddy can play with me everyday!' He lay back down, grabbing his blanket tight as he went back to sleep.

------------------------------------------------------------

The parents both yawn as the morning sun shone through their window. Daniel yawned as Jessica sat up, 'good morning sexy' he said patting her bum.

Jessica smile as she got out of bed, 'Come on, we gotta get to work' she said as she put on her bathrobe, sliding some panties up her waist as she goes to kitchen to prepare breakfast, while Daniel got up and go into the bathroom for a shower.

Kevin yawned, rubbing his eyes as he remember what happen last night, how his mummy and daddy were busy playing wrestling and not playing with him, then he notice something by the desk, getting up he held the small _object_, a small bottle with green liquid, Kevin figure it's too gross to taste, maybe he could give it to his parents, after all they love gross stuff.

He entered the kitchen as he sat at the table, mummy was making some eggs and bacon as she gave him a plate, 'hey sleepy head, how was your night' she said as she went back to finish making breakfast.

Kevin frown as he began eating, Jessica notice this but shrug it off as it's probably nothing, Daniel came in in her suit as he went to give his wife a kiss, as they began being affectionate Kevin notice their drinks as he grab the liquid, spilling some into their cups as the parents sat by the table, Jessica and Daniel ate along with Kevin as each took a sip from their cups, Kevin watch, hoping to see their disgusted faces as they drank the horrible drink, but they seem not to notice. Kevin sigh, his prank didn't work as Daniel began grabbing bacon with his hands.

'Honey use a fork' said Jessica

Daniel shook his head, 'nah sweetie, hands are much better' he stuff his mouth with bacon, as Jessica look away in disgust, soon having trouble cutting her food, Kevin watch as Jessica seem to have trouble feeding herself, hitting her cheek and only getting it in her mouth after some food drop into her robe.

'Mummy? Do you need help?' Ask Kevin

Jessica shook her head, 'nope, I can get this sweetie' she said as she continue having trouble eating as Daniel face and hands are a mess of oil.

Soon on the family finished their breakfast, Jessica's face a mess and her husband face a mess, 'you should clean yourself up honey' said Jessica as she stood, Daniel nodded as he got up, walking to the bathroom as Jessica went to the bedroom to change.

Kevin put his plate in the sink as he notice his parents didn't clean up the table, usually they do, so Kevin clean it up, he then left the kitchen to the living room, but first noticing his mummy throwing clothes around in her room.

Walking in, he sees Jessica standing around, holding a t shirt as she only wore her underpants, her robe discarded on the ground, she spots him by the door as she grew a big smile, 'Kevin, can you help put clothes on me' she ask as she stood, her bib boobs expose as Kevin tries not to look.

'But mummy, can't you dress yourself?' Ask the confused boy

Jessica shook her sadly, 'I don't know, I think I can but its so hard' she said sadly, Kevin frown as he pat her leg

'ok I dress you' he said as Jessica squealed, sitting on the bed as Kevin go through her closet, first he grab the bra, knowing that mummy need to cover up so he help put it on her, Jessica adjust it as she shook her boobies a little.

'hehe, it jiggles' she giggle

Kevin smile as he grab a pink tshirt, pulling it over her head as Jessica poke her head and arms through. Finally she needs to wear some pants, but Jessica shook her head, 'nu uh, I want to go pants less today' she said standing up

'but you need to cover up' said Kevin

'no! I want to wear panties!' She yell running out of the room

'Mummy!' Yell Kevin as Jessica ran, seeing this is pointless as he can't force her into them, so he drop the pants and walked out.

Jessica sat on the couch as she suck her thumb, making a weird sight for the poor kid as he walked in, 'mummy? Aren't you going to work?' He asked

Jessica shook her head as she remove her thumb, 'work boring, I wanna stay and watch cartoons' she point to the tv as Peppa Pig is showing, Kevin look at it, the infantile show is too stupid for him but mummy seem to enjoy it.

Soon Daniel came walking in, sitting on the couch next to his half naked wife, Kevin figure his not going to work either. So he sat in between his parents as they enjoy the show.

'I love Peppa,' said Jessica 'she's so funny'

'and smart' said Daniel

Kevin smile, not only are his parents not going to work but they can play with him all day! But the doorbell rang as he turn, he forgot that grandma is here to babysit! He quickly ran to door and look through the hole, grandma standing there waiting for it to open.

'i get it!' Yell Jessica as she walk to the door, opening it as Grandma got a big shock.

'Jessica? What aren't you decent?' She ask walking in

'well pants are stupid, so I decide to go pants less today' she said walking back to the couch, 'now hush, Peppa pig is on' she sat back down on the couch next to Daniel as they continue with their show.

Grandma stood as she watch them sitting and listening to the babyish songs. 'What is wrong with you two?' She ask, 'guess I'll be looking after three babies today' she sigh as she left them with three show. Kevin sigh a breath of relief, now he can play with them but daddy began crying.

Kevin ran to him as he sobbed, wailing as tears run down his cheeks, 'Daddy whats wrong?' Daniel just keep crying, Kevin turn to Jessica as she just shrugged,

'I don't know why he's crying' she said chewing her finger

Kevin frown as he look up at him, then he spots something on him as he look closer, seeing a wet spot has form around his pants, 'Daddy you wet yourself!" he said

Daniel cried as Grandma came walking in, 'Whats going on here?' she ask

'Daddy wet himself' said Kevin

Grandma came and look, 'Oh Danny, don't cry I can fix this' she said as she quickly ran out, going to her car as she unlock the trunk, grabbing some adult diapers, seeing as she used to work at the nursing home, she came back in as Daniel cried like a baby, 'There there sweetie' she coo as she lay the man down on the ground, removing his pants and underpants.

Jessica and Kevin just watch as Grandma wipe him up, powder him and slid a fresh diaper under him, soon Daniel was calm down with a fresh diaper around his waist. 'Thank you mummy' he said sucking his thumb

Grandma smile as Jessica kneel on the ground poking the pamper, 'Its so crinkly' she said

Grandma held her hand as she pat it, 'Jessica, I think you need to be in one too' she said

Jessica look at her as she drooled, Grandma laid her down as well as her lacy pink panties came sliding off, Grandma also put baby powder on her, patting it snugly on her big bum, soon Mummy was also wearing a big thick diaper now. Both Jessica and Daniel sat by the couch giggling and laughing, as the diapies were soft on their big tushies. Grandma smile as she walk off, Kevin watch as his parents dribble and drooled at the tv, then he followed Grandma as he need some help.

'Grandma' he tug on her dress 'What happen to them?' he ask

Grandma look down at the poor boy, how can she put this delicately, 'Well Kevin, I think your parents need to relax, and they are acting this way cause whats more relaxing then being babies?' she said, but seeing the confused look on his face she goes on, 'Well babies don't worry about bills, work or anything adult, when they can have it done for them, they don't even have to use the bathroom too' she giggle

Kevin pondered this, that green liquid must have made his parents into babies, they were acting normal before he tricked them. He smiled, that means he can make them play with him whenever he wants!

Grandma made some fresh bottle as she hand him the bottles, 'Now your parents need to drink this, babies need milk to be healthy and strong' she chuckle

Kevin smile as he took the bottles, walking back to the living room, but as he walked in he sees them looking around.

Jessica and Daniel _b_link__ as they began looking at their diapers, 'What are we wearing?' she said poking her own diaper, Daniel poke his as he look at hers, Kevin reliaze the potion is wearing off so he quickly open the bottles, pour some more into them and closed them, walking to his parents as they look at him.

'Kevin whats going on here?' demanded Daniel but Kevin shove the nipple into his mouth, forcing milk down his throat, Jessica yell at him asking whats he's doing but Kevin shove another one into her mouth. Jessica eyes widen but relax as she grab the bottle with both hands and lay back on the couch, suckling down the milk as Daniel drank his.

Kevin smile as all maturity they had were long gone as suckle their milk down like good babies. Kevin smile as Grandma came back in, 'And how is everyone enjoying their babas?' she ask them

Jessica grin as she gave her a wet smile, 'Milky good!' Daniel nodded in agreement as they continue drinking, Grandma smile as she left them to play

Kevin came up to his mummy, who just finish her bottle, 'Mummy wanna play with toys?' he ask

Jessica drop her bottle as she gave him a big smile, 'Toys! Yes I wanna play!'

'I wanna play too!' said Daniel crawling to them, his bottle discarded on the ground.

Kevin pull out his box of toys and tip it all over the floor, Jessica and Daniel squeal in glee as they began picking up the toys, Kevin pick up his as he began playing with his parents. They play catchies with their toys, Jessica caught Daniel with her penguin as Daniel pretend to run with his doggy, Kevin poke Jessica with his bunny as the three began running around pretending that their toys are flying.

Kevin laughed as they ran around, Jessica laughing as she drop her toy and snatch the doggy away, Daniel whined as Jessica stuck out her tonge, 'Mine doggy!' she yell

Daniel started to cry as he tries to grab it back but Jessica waddle away with it, he fell on his butt and began crying, Kevin ran up and hit her butt, 'Mummy! Give back his doggy!' he yell

'No! I wanna play with it now!' she yell holding it tight against her chest, Daniel began crying loudly as Grandma walked back in

Kevin ran to her as he point to Jessica, 'Grandma! Mummy being mean to daddy!' he said

Grandma walked up to Jessica and took back the doggy, giving it back to Daniel as he held it tight, sucking his thumb. Jessica started to whine as Grandma grab her ear, dragging the mother towards the couch where she was lay across Grandma's lap, Jessica's diaper came off as Grandma began spanking her.

Jessica began screaming, as her butt is turning red, with each swat her bum gets redder, Jessica cried as Grandma showed no mercy on her poor tushie. Soon she made her stand in the corner, hands on her red with her big butt on displayed as she sobbed and cried silently.

While Grandma held Daniel on her lap as she hug and console him, giving him a pacifier as he held his doggy, Kevin sat by as he look over to mummy, he thought mummy likes to get spanked, but it seems she doesn't like it at all. Jessica sobbed as she rub her eye, sniffing as she look around.

'huh?' she said looking back, 'Kim?'

Grandma look at her as Daniel began stirring, sitting up as he took his pacifier out, 'Whats going on here?'

Kevin sigh, the potion is wearing off again, he really wanted to play some more

Daniel stood up as Jessica walk to them, covering her vagina as her butt feels like its on fire, 'Owwwww, why is my butt hurting?'

'Oh I just gave you a spanking' said Kim standing up, Jessica gave her a shocked look as she continued, 'Well you were being very mean to Daniel'

'She was?' said Daniel as he tries to cover up his diaper

Kim explain th events of today to the confused and embarrased parents as Kevin kept the bottle in his pocket. The parents blush deep red as they spot their son by the couch

'Kevin!?' they squeaked as they quickly ran to the bedroom, so they could change into appropriate clothes. Kevin walk by as Grandma pat his head

'Well your parents seem to be ok' she smile

'Yeah' he said sadly, Grandma rub his hair as she should make them some food, Kevin sat on the couch, holding the bottle as he knows he can fun with his parents anytime he wants.


So can you send me a email with the edited verson if you can, thank you

email is This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it
 
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#20557
vended (User)
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graph
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Re:Help editing 6 Months, 1 Week ago Karma: 6  
That would be one hell of an edit. :|

By the way, the mother's reaction seem a bit unrealistic, in my opinion, you may need to add some more reason for her to act like her daughter and son in law being mentally babies is nothing out of the ordinary.
 
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Last Edit: 2017/04/11 15:43 By vended.
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