What Emma Wants

Chapter Description: The babysitting has left her a lot to think about, though when the idea of a double-date is proposed she finds herself with new things to worry about.

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“Huh? Whe-…” I said sleepily.

“Shush, it’s OK.” Jacob’s voice was soft but close. I felt like I could feel it vibrating through me.

My eyes remained closed, but I could feel movement. The last thing I remembered was sitting on the couch, far too close to Jacob for my own good, and we were talking. Then… I must’ve fallen asleep. I must’ve fallen asleep ON Jacob! Oh god, just when I thought I couldn’t embarrass myself any further. I had dropped into unconsciousness in the middle of a conversation like an overtired toddler.

I felt strong arms. One was under my butt and the other wrapped around my back. I could smell Jacob’s very strong musk all around me. We were definitely moving but…

My eyes flew open, and I had to stifle a gasp. I was in Jacob’s arms! He was carrying me!

“Jacob, I…” I had no idea what I was going to say. Was I going to protest being carried by someone I was so obviously crushing on? Was I going to apologise for falling asleep on him in the first place? My mouth closed as I blushed hard. I felt the chest pressing against my face move up and down with a deep laugh.

“Just relax.” Jacob said easily, “You’re tired. It’s my fault, I probably overstimulated you when you were already overdue for a nap.”

Whilst Jacob wasn’t wrong, I still felt my heart sink. I didn’t want him to think of me as a baby and yet what other impression could he possibly get? I snuggled closer to his chest. If this was going to be the last time he showed any interest in me, as I assumed it would be, then I might as well do my best to fill every sense with him. He was so strong, and I felt so protected as he held me close. I wondered if he knew what he was doing to me, that he was breaking down walls I had built to protect myself and leaving me so very exposed.

I was carried back up to my nursery. I had thought Jacob would just put me back down in the crib, but he took me over to the changing table instead. Of course, I had been wet before I had fallen asleep on him. I didn’t really know what to do. He had changed me before but now I wondered if I should pretend to fall back asleep or something. In the end, as my diaper was changed I just sort of laid on the table like a mannequin, not moving or saying anything.

“Have a good rest.” Jacob said to me as he helped me up into my crib. I desperately wanted to resist the sleep that was already overtaking me again. I had enjoyed my time with Jacob so much, I didn’t want it to end right there in the nursery.

“I ju-…” I started.

I didn’t get very far before I had Jacob leaning over me. He pressed his lips to my forehead, and I thought I was going to melt. The warm, soft kiss felt more delicate and loving than anything I had ever experienced before. It stunned me and as Jacob slowly pulled away to stand up straight, I found myself wanting more.

“This has been fun.” Jacob said as he pulled the bars up. They rattled into place and sealed me away from him.

“Are you leaving?” I asked.

“I think your folks will be home by the time you wake up.” Jacob said.

“Oh.” I replied. The disappointment must’ve been obvious on my face as Jacob gave me a sympathetic smile.

“I’ll see you at school.” Jacob said.

With that, it was over. I leaned my face against the bars and watched Jacob go until I physically couldn’t see him anymore. I heard him walking downstairs and felt an overwhelming desire to get him back to me, one way or the other. I thought about wailing but I didn’t need to make myself look like any more of a useless baby in front of him. Besides, even if he came back, I had no idea what I would actually say.

I closed my eyes and let out a deep sigh. In the end my decision was made for me. I laid my head on the pillow and, like one of Pavlov’s dogs who just heard a bell, had an immediate reaction. Sleep pressed in on me from all sides and with no real plan to keep Jacob around I let it sweep over me until I was snoring. The sound being carried through the baby monitor on the nearby shelf and heard by the other one in the living room.

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When I woke up later that day it took me a second to remember why I felt an almost instinctive embarrassment. Then it came back to me, pouring on top of me like one of my leaky diapers. Jacob, the babysitting, the falling asleep, the being carried in his big, strong arms. I buried my head in my pillow. It was hard to believe it hadn’t all been one particularly embarrassing dream.

If there had been any doubt remaining, it had been blown away by the events of that morning. No matter how much I might’ve wanted to remain an aloof and independent young woman who didn’t need anyone else, it seemed destiny had other plans for me. I wanted Jacob. Remembering that he had asked me to go to the prom and I had flat out turned him down now felt like a crushing mistake, like I’d thrown away my one chance at a future I desperately wanted. Instead, I had Liam. I shuddered as I imagined what a future with him would be like. I would be just like mom. I wondered if mom had ever had any individuality or dreams independent of her family or if she had always been happy with her lot.

The rest of the day was a bit of a blur and before I knew it, I was waking up the next morning for school. I was in a bit of a daze when mom came in to change my wet overnight diaper and dress me. My mind was elsewhere and before I knew it, I was walking into school next to Zoe. She had been talking for most of the journey on the bus, but I couldn’t remember a word of what she had said. I could only think about Jacob. Whenever I did manage to turn some of my attention to my best friend, I could only feel a deep sense of jealousy. She had taken the opportunity that I had spurned, pounced on the one good man in the whole school, maybe the whole town.

The morning was a bit of a blur. One of my classmates was given a spanking in front of the rest of us. I didn’t know what her supposed crime was, but I had been in her position enough times to know how she felt. Otherwise, it felt like I was in a dream, somehow disconnected from what was going on and lost in my own thoughts of self-pity. Not even my usual trip to the school nurse managed to break through my malaise.

The one thing that DID get through, that made me seem to wake up from my trance, was Jacob sitting down opposite me at the lunch table. I had been staring across the room to where Nicole was sitting and laughing with her male friends when Jacob walked straight over to my usual table, Zoe was next to him and seemed to be keeping up a constant stream of one-sided conversation. He smiled at me, and I looked away, a red blush spreading across my face. He was sat next to Zoe who was keeping up a steady stream of chat. I wondered if Jacob tuned her out like I sometimes did. Maybe it was an acquired skill.

“Hey, babe.” Liam’s gruff voice announced his arrival. He dropped into the seat next to me and I felt his arm try to wrap around my shoulder and I shrugged it off.

The opposite side of the table showed what I could’ve had if I hadn’t been so stubborn, my side of the table showed my reality. Liam had very traditional views and that meant, in his mind, I was already his. Agreeing to go to the prom with him was basically a commitment for a long-term relationship. I knew as much when I had rashly agreed to go with him just to hit back at Zoe. At least THAT seemed to be working. I couldn’t help but notice that Zoe had finally stopped talking and was looking across at me and Liam with obvious annoyance.

“Hello.” I said as politely as I could. I really didn’t want to encourage Liam.

“Oh, she does talk to me.” Liam said loudly with a bark of a laugh at the end, “You haven’t been answering my texts.”

“I must’ve missed them…” I lied. I hadn’t. From the time I last saw Liam to that lunchtime I had received no less than twenty-three texts from him, each one demanding my attention.

“Naughty, naughty.” Liam said with a chuckle, “Good girls don’t lie. And they certainly don’t ignore their boyfriends.”

I shuddered.

“I would never ignore a message from you, Jacob.” Zoe suddenly said, “Not that you send me many… That’s OK though! I like the strong and silent type.”

I looked across the table as Zoe held on to Jacob’s arm as if he was a lifeboat. Jacob didn’t look too terribly comfortable, but I didn’t think any of us at that table were. I tried to ignore the complex drama happening around me as I bit into my sandwich, half of the filling fell out and as I tried to stop it falling to the floor, I managed to bang my elbow on the table and drop the rest of my food. Liam immediately started laughing as I turned red.

“See? She REALLY needs a man to look after her.” Liam said sagely, “Poor little thing, so clumsy and delicate.”

I really wanted to respond. My embarrassment at my lack of coordination along with my anger towards Liam’s mocking tone was slamming my buttons. I clenched my hands into fists and my jaw clenched so hard I thought my teeth might shatter.

“Hey, I’ve been thinking.” Liam said. He seemed to be completely unaware of my discomfort. It was more likely that he simply didn’t care, “Why don’t we go on a date before prom?”

“No.” I said flatly. That was an idea I could dismiss out of hand.

“Ooh, I like that idea!” Zoe excitedly said from across the table. She turned to Jacob, “How about WE go on a date?”

“That sounds…” I saw Jacob’s eyes flash towards me for just a split second, “Sure, why not.”

I felt my heart sink. I knew I had no right to make demands on Jacob. I was the idiot who had turned him down when I’d had a chance. It seemed unfair though. I hadn’t known he was the one decent man alive when I said no!

I felt panicky. My diaper warmed beneath me as my agitation caused my bladder to void helplessly. Zoe was already discussing ideas for things they could do, and I felt that intense jealousy starting to rise to the surface. What if they kissed? What if they did… more?

“W-Why not make it a double date?” I quickly said a little more loudly than I had planned.

“A double date?” Jacob raised his eyebrows. A smile started to creep across his face.

“S-Sure.” I said.

“I thought you just said you didn’t want to-…” Liam started with a confused frown.

“I changed my mind!” I interrupted.

“That’ll be fun!” Zoe said excitedly. She clapped her hands.

“Then let’s do it.” Jacob said.

I looked up to see Zoe lean forwards as if she was going to give Jacob a peck on the cheek, but he shifted away and leaned down to look into his bag. Zoe was left pouting, and I wondered if it had been a deliberate move on Jacob’s part. If it was then he was certainly a good actor as he acted like nothing had happened.

“We should see a film.” Liam said. He leered at me, “One not many other people will be at. We can get the back row and in the dark who knows what might happen.”

Liam winked and I felt my skin crawl. It seemed that the decision wasn’t going to be mine to make as the others eagerly made plans. Well, to be precise, Zoe and Liam made the plans. I noticed Jacob staring at Liam with an intensity I hadn’t seen before. It was an expression that softened as soon as he turned to me again.

Eventually it was decided that we would all go to the cinema that Friday night. It meant that most of the rest of the week I had to endure Zoe endlessly and excitedly talking about it. I couldn’t even hide how annoying it was and asked her to stop multiple times, she didn’t listen.

No, Zoe, I don’t know what I’m going to wear. No, Zoe, I don’t know what we’ll see. No, Zoe, I haven’t been on a date before. No, Zoe, Liam hasn’t talked to me about you. In fact, I’ve been avoiding him so-…

“Wait a minute, why do you care if Liam has talked about you?” I asked with a frown on Friday afternoon, just hours before the date was due to begin.

“I don’t know…” Zoe shrugged, “Just curious.”

I knew Zoe had a crush on Liam. At least she used to have a crush on him. She hadn’t talked about him much since getting together with Jacob. It was understandable, Jacob was better in every way.

It had been a tough week. My jealousy of Zoe was only growing. I found myself hoping the rest of my family were going to announce they were going somewhere and that they were hiring a babysitter again. I didn’t care if the situation was embarrassing, I just wanted one on one time with Jacob where we could talk again. I would’ve asked if he wanted to come over as a friend, but it seemed Zoe was occupying nearly all of his time. Liam would be doing the same with me if I let him. In fact, I was somewhat surprised that Liam continued to respect my lack of replies and didn’t barge into my house regardless.

“Do you think the guys will try to kiss us?” Zoe asked. I saw her cheeks reddening and she bit her lip like a young girl saying something she wasn’t supposed to.

“I hope not…” I muttered in response. I pictured Liam kissing me and it was nearly enough to throw up my lunch.

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